As a text game enthusiast, I’ve been playing IRE text games games for nearly a decade now. I’ve seen a lot of fantastic role play and non-linear events that were fueled by the actions of the players. I’ve seen all sorts of wonderful character development from people who build a story for their character, and they make you feel like part of their story.However, there’s always those people that make you cringe and think, “Man, is that… is that really what you came up with? Is that really what you want your character to be known for?” Yes, you know what I’m talking about. You could probably think of a few examples off the top of your head. Well I’ve seen some pretty down right awful role play myself in all my years, and I’d like to present some of the things you just shouldn’t role play in a text game.1: Pregnancy.
Look, I think it’s fantastic that you and your text game spouse have tied the knot, and you want to share the joy with everyone. But when I see your character rubbing her text belly, squealing about baby showers and due dates, it makes us all vomit. Oh, and don’t think it stops there. Have you ever seen someone deliver a baby in an online text game? I know, you worked really hard on those three paragraph-long emotes that meticulously detail every groan, grunt and wet splop. But when it’s all said and done, you’re going to come to a grim realization – they stopped letting people make customized baby-in-a-blanket items in like 2003.
Here’s the thing about online text games – there are usually a wide variety of herbs and salves to cure almost any ailment you run across. This includes being blind, deaf, and even having no arms. So whenever you tell me that your character is blind, and I pass you the appropriate cure, and then you tell me that you are “PERMANENTLY blind”, it makes me want to kill your character. Why? Because if I kill your character, you’ll come back to life free of afflictions, and I won’t have to deal with your inane claims anymore. It might seem like a fun role play device, but it’s completely inconsistent with most text game worlds.3: Atheism.
This item didn’t make the list because it bothers me, but rather because I’m a nice guy and I genuinely care for the safety of others. And questioning the existence of the Divine in Achaea and many other text games is not a safe bet for your character. I’ve seen people demanding proof of a higher existence; they claim that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Suddenly, a fireball hurtles across the skies and incinerates the poor fool to a crisp! The Divine in Achaea are very real, and very much a part of the epic mythos that text games have to offer… so look out for the bright green names on the WHO list!4: Role playing a child character in a family of snuggly fur-kins.
No. Stop right there. You were considering it too, weren’t you? The idea sounded great in your head – having a daddy Rajamala, a mommy Rajamala and you’d be the cute furry bundle of joy that wears a diaper. Then you could stand around all day and snuggle and groom each other, and life would be sunshine and rainbows. Listen up, and listen good. I want you to know right now that you stepped out of the newbie tutorial at 18 years old like everyone else. You are not a ‘child’ by any means, and you make me want to plot ways to set you and your whole furry family on fire.
5: Doing rituals in Latin
I’m sorry, I know you’re going to hate me for this. I know what I’m about to tell you is almost as crushing as when someone told you Snape killed Dumbledore the day the book came out. You see, my character knows a lot of languages. City languages, racial languages, languages from civilizations thought forgotten but suddenly rediscovered through recent events. Latin simply does not exist. So stop it. Next time I see you say something in Latin, I’m going to mock you for speaking gibberish and then I’m going to say, “Hey everyone, lets all make fun of the crazy guy speaking gibberish”. And then everyone is going to mock you, and you’re going to feel really bad about yourself. So just don’t do it, okay?